soft.and.gentle

Through the rain traffic, as you float into space. Your white eyes hide your face. As you float in between. I die with you, if you leave.

I guess I'd better write today, since this week will be just as crazy as last week.

Yesterday it rained; I love the rain. The rain reminds me of Okinawa. When it rains I feel beautiful. It was a bit drizzly today; it is still a bit overcast. I could sleep forever.

There are so many beautiful people in the world. People who don't realize they are beautiful. Sadness is beautiful. Kelsie is enthralling. I idolized Kelsie. She doesn't see her own beauty. She is magnetic. Nathan once said she is "model pretty," whatever that means. I didn't much like it when he said that, I guess I felt threatened. But now that I think about it, I guess she is. Sometimes, at random intervals throughout the day, I catch myself thinking of her. I see her and I hear her. Maybe it's my own conscience, punishing me for the insensitive way I left her. I wish I could take it all back.

Miles hates it when I talk about Kelsie. But he shouldn't; he knows I am hopelessly devoted.

It's going to storm. It just thundered. I hope it starts soon; maybe I can convince Miles to run in the rain with me.

Certain people draw me to them. I can't explain it. Nathan does, Kelsie does, Miles does, then there's the random people, who I bump into at the store, or I see in class. I get this urge to follow them, not in a stalker way, just in a way to observe them...to dwell on their movements. I love people with "sad" beauty.

I am lost in my own indecisive nature. Do I believe in an eternal beauty, or a temporary beauty? And whom holds which? Is beauty ever eternal; beauty can always be lost. I hope Kelsie's beauty is eternal. What if she was just beautiful then, and I will forever hold onto the memory of her beauty. What if we meet again, and I come to find that the beauty was only temporary? I hope I never know. For now I will believe in eternal beauty.

Infractions of the landscape. In a world we learn to escape. Bad weather comes, but we have wood to burn. That which only gives will always bring you through.