soft.and.gentle

Well, Miles left for the weekend...so that means I get his tablet:):):) He was generous enough to lend it to me for the weekend. Woo Hoo for me.

I know I just posted yesterday, but now I actually have access to post...which in turn, means I HAVE to post.

Let's see...last night went to the Common Grounds (Madison's Coffee Shop) and watched Mason Blake perform. It was great, even got a free CD:)

At first Miles and I were a bit worried because we were the only ones there; it was a bit awkward. But then I came up with the idea that Miles should call Jeff and invite him. Jeff said maybe...but didn't show. However, shortly after it started a few of Mason's friends showed up. So we weren't the only ones anymore. Then a bunch of drunk adults who were friends of the owner showed up. In the midst of Mason's performance, one drunk male announced "I gotta piss!" Mason shrugged it off, and everyone kinda laughed. Then "drunk red neck in a beat up, dusty 'Camel Joe' shirt" walked in front of Miles and I to look at some art on the wall, which he later proclaimed as "THAT'S NOT ART! THE GUY NEEDS TO EAT A SANDWICH," referring to the figure in the painting. Needless to say, no matter how hard one tries to escape South Dakota, it follows you around like a lost puppy. A coffee shop in South Dakota, is in the end, still a coffee shop in South Dakota.

Today I am waiting around to go to work. My crap job that doesn't pay enough for what it entails. I am listening to Bush...sleeping...waiting...

Doesn't that just sum up my life.

My mom called at midnight last night. Why? She didn't say, she babbled briefly, and stated I needed to call her tomorrow. Fine.

I could sleep all day.

Hello Friends.

I am sure everyone thought I was dead. But, once again, I fooled you all. Still here. In my bomb shelter. I figured I would take some time off and practice Buddhism and yoga all day long. But then I had to get a job, attend summer classes, and come out of hiding. Yeah...it sucks.

No, actually, it was more like since school ended I didn't have access to a computer. But today, I broke into Miles' house...he's at work. And here I am, on his computer, posting. Maybe he won't read this. That's the plus side to not posting for centuries...people simply give up on checking your site. So then, you can write whatever you want...and no one will ever know. HeHeHe...

So, news in my world is as follows:

Yes, Megan has a job. I am equally as shocked. I work at Jubilee. BUT...not as a cashier. Now here comes the irony. I work in the Deli. Those of you who are close to me would understand why that is ironic, those who aren't....well...I won't keep you in suspense: I don't eat meat. So, to sum this up for you. I work in a Deli...with meat...all day long...but don't actually eat meat. Hmmmm...tidbits to ponder...

I am taking summer classes. More like class right now. College Algebra. It's hell. I don't wish it on my worst enemy. Everyday, 2:30 to 4:30.

That's it. My life is not that exciting.

OOOHHHH. I have finally come around to watching Harry Potter. I like it, too. Not as much as LOTR, but it's not all bad. Equally as addicting as LOTR.

The new season on QE starts on June 1st. That's pretty damn exciting.

I sound lame...

Miles and I acquired our fourth free movie pass from Movie Guy...

Ok, lameness is getting worse.

Well, I better go. Miles will be home soon. Must sneak out. Through the hole in the basement.

All I want is my freakin FAFSA done. It's not like I expect a lot from my mom, well, other than a financial safety net. My mom and I have an up and down relationship. I hate to get mad at her...well, maybe I am just more scared to get mad at her.

With my mom, you have to ask a year early to get anything done. I asked her a month ago to get her tax information, so I can do my FAFSA, so I have a job this summer.

Sometimes when I think about her I get a tightening feeling in my chest. She's all I have ever had, but at the same time, I've never had her. I like to think we're the same person, but I don't know her at all, so how can we be the same person. I want to be on the same plane with her, but we're not even on the same planet.

I sometimes feel guilty for only calling her when I need something, but I grew up feeling better off alone. We had good times, there's no denying that. In Okinawa, there were those rare occasions when she would take time off of work and we would go to Blue Lagoon (it was my favorite beach). She would buy me ice cream from the Japanese ice cream stand. Or, we would go to San A; a Japanese mall. She would buy me toys. Those times seemed to make up for all the times she wasn't there. I feel guilty for resenting her, after all, she was making money for me.

I want to go back so bad. I want to smell her freshly starched uniform. I want to feel her pick me up in her arms after a long day at work. I want to walk around the house in her combat boots. I want her to read me the Sunday comics in bed before church. I want to hold on to it all.

I don't want this. I want to change it; to fix it.

I bite my lip til it bleeds.

She's so delicate. I never know what it's going to be like when I call her. I think everything is getting worse. It's falling apart at home. Maybe everything is falling apart around me, and I am oblivious.

Everything is turning brown...dying. There is no life left at home.