soft.and.gentle

Through the rain traffic, as you float into space. Your white eyes hide your face. As you float in between. I die with you, if you leave.

I guess I'd better write today, since this week will be just as crazy as last week.

Yesterday it rained; I love the rain. The rain reminds me of Okinawa. When it rains I feel beautiful. It was a bit drizzly today; it is still a bit overcast. I could sleep forever.

There are so many beautiful people in the world. People who don't realize they are beautiful. Sadness is beautiful. Kelsie is enthralling. I idolized Kelsie. She doesn't see her own beauty. She is magnetic. Nathan once said she is "model pretty," whatever that means. I didn't much like it when he said that, I guess I felt threatened. But now that I think about it, I guess she is. Sometimes, at random intervals throughout the day, I catch myself thinking of her. I see her and I hear her. Maybe it's my own conscience, punishing me for the insensitive way I left her. I wish I could take it all back.

Miles hates it when I talk about Kelsie. But he shouldn't; he knows I am hopelessly devoted.

It's going to storm. It just thundered. I hope it starts soon; maybe I can convince Miles to run in the rain with me.

Certain people draw me to them. I can't explain it. Nathan does, Kelsie does, Miles does, then there's the random people, who I bump into at the store, or I see in class. I get this urge to follow them, not in a stalker way, just in a way to observe them...to dwell on their movements. I love people with "sad" beauty.

I am lost in my own indecisive nature. Do I believe in an eternal beauty, or a temporary beauty? And whom holds which? Is beauty ever eternal; beauty can always be lost. I hope Kelsie's beauty is eternal. What if she was just beautiful then, and I will forever hold onto the memory of her beauty. What if we meet again, and I come to find that the beauty was only temporary? I hope I never know. For now I will believe in eternal beauty.

Infractions of the landscape. In a world we learn to escape. Bad weather comes, but we have wood to burn. That which only gives will always bring you through.

Ok, I'm going to make this short and sweet. I love you all, but I am unGodly (that looks odd with the "G" capitalized, but isn't God always supposed to be capitalized?!) busy this week. I have play every night until I bleed "The Trolley Song" and then I come home to oodles of homework. I know it sounds like I'm bitching, but I am really not, I just don't think I will find time to post this week. I have so much going on, I sometimes wonder why I do it to myself. It is penance. I offended the Gods. Well, in my case, just one God, but you get the just of it.

Maybe this weekend I will find time, but do not give up on me, I promise I won't get as bad as Miles:) Sorry hun, I couldn't resist. Take Care, and, if you can find it in your heart, have pity on me.

You in the sea, on a decline. Breaking the waves, watching the lights go down, letting the cables sleep.

Well, apparently the last blog was lame, whatever, chalk it up to lack of time. But anyways, here I am, Friday night, playing the dutiful/reformed girlfriend.

Evidently everyone has a blog. Who knew it was such a trend? Jenny, even "that one person" has a blog (think after speech class...). That was disheartening to discover. Naivete is a blessing in disguise. Maybe it's better to be kept in the dark. I would rather not have anything in common with the her, well I guess she thinks we don't have anything in common. For the better I suppose. I don't like to be prejudged though, so it pisses me off when she says we don't have anything in common, has she even said a word to me? Has she even had a conversation with me? Or does she just assume I am clear and simple and plain (in the words of Gavin)? I'm glad I'm listening to Jim, he mellows me out. Good ole Jim Morrison, one of the greatest men to grace the world with his musical talent. If I didn't have Miles I'd swear I'd be destined to be with Jim or Kurt.

Today has been brutal. Evil, evil people. I'm ready to transfer after today. I try to finish all my shit, accomplish enough to please everyone. It's so hard. Maybe I shouldn't think I can handle everything, maybe everything won't be alright. And if it's not...then what?

Ruth's baby is due on 4-20. How ironic is that? I hope the baby is healthy. I hope that it all goes well for her. I hope she finds someone new, no more Mike.

I have an All School Reunion this summer. It'll be strange because like half of my class has had a child since last year, or will have a child by the time the reunion rolls around. All of them were/are my friends too, one of them is my cousin. I can hardly believe it. It makes me feel old. I pray for them, they need it. It's a lot of work to be a mother, and only 18/19. I don't think that parenthood is taken seriously anymore. People who shouldn't have children and who don't want children are popping out kids left and right. And then, there's people who get married and try for years to have children, with little or no avail. My RA, Erin, and I were talking about that this afternoon. We watched a program about babies born with life-threatening diseases and babies born way too premature. It was really sad, but beautiful at the same time. Adoption, not abortion. There are so many people out there looking to give a child a good home.

Anyways, my ass is killing me, I've been sitting in this chair way too long. I hope you all have a great weekend.

"For I know the Lord is great,
that our Lord is high above all gods.
The Lord does whatever he wills,
in heaven, on earth, in the seas. " ~Psalm 135a

WOW! What a week?! And it's only Wednesday! Oh, before I forget, HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!!
I love being Irish!

But anyways, on to the real EXCITING stuff (aka: my week thus far).

Monday~ Monday was a whirlwind of activity. Mostly just lame school related stuff. I had 4 meetings, one of which I didn't make it to, that would be yearbook, but I did make it to the other 3. Needless to say my last meeting started at 10, and after that meeting finished I had to type up the minutes. I didn't get to my room until after 11, and I still had to do homework. Tuesday didn't get much better...

Tuesday~Jenny and I had to sit through the hellish bio lab. Our teacher, bless her heart, isn't so good with the English language. She tries, and maintains a positive attitude, but it's just really hard to comprehend the material she is trying to present. Ok, screw all the lame school stuff. One positive event yesterday blessed me with, was the College Republican meeting. Jenny, Brad, Kayla, and Shannon had been trying their hardest to convince me all evening to run for Chairman. I was content with the secretary position; I am not good with confrontation or stepping on anyone's toes.

Ok, shit, today is Thursday. I started this yesterday and never found time to finish it. I suck.

Maybe I should just give you guys the abreviated version. Tuesday, at the CR meeting, Jenny was elected SECRETARY! WOOHOO! Go Jenny, Go Jenny! Maybe we'll actually have minutes now! This whole year, I didn't even know CRs had a secretary! But now, we have JENNY!

The other positions were given as follows: Heather Devries (Vice Chairperson) and Jason Jenkins (Treasurer). Ummmm, *whisper* i got chairperson. *pause* *GASP!!!* It's ok if you're surprised, I was too.

Anyways, that was the exciting event of the week. Now it's Thursday, and I have Poli Sci in 10 min. When am I ever going to find time to create a masterpiece?! It started off interesting, but now it's too late. I could just edit the date on this to say yesterday was when I posted, but I can't lie to my faithful audience.

Just foresake me. I'll understand.

What's exciting? Hmmm... Oh, the movie Sleepers is REAL sad! Watch it, cry, it'll be a good time.

Maybe I shouldn't have put so many links in this, but since I did, you HAVE to click on every single one of them. They're funny! PROMISE! Unless you don't get internet humor, right Miles?

The little girl loves stuffed animals. They feel.
The little boy loves to run. He feels his lungs explode.

The young female loves attention. She feels wanted when the boys penetrate her.
The young male loves to beat his girlfriend. He feels powerful.

The twenty-something woman loves to snort crank. She feels beautiful.
The twenty-something man loves to rob liquor stores. He feels such a rush.

The middle-aged woman loves her children. She feels distraught knowing she's dying of AIDS and knowing they are dying with her.
The middle-aged man loves to read the Bible. He feels depressed knowing he's going to die alone in prison.

The old women loves her second chance, too bad she had to bury all her children.
The old man loves Jesus, too bad he had no one the night they killed him.

At least the little girl had a second chance.
At least the little boy had Jesus holding his hand.

It seems to be the "thing" nowadays to write about your weekend. How junior high?! Well, whatever, I guess I might as well be a sheep. Sheep is singular right? Otherwise would it be "ship"..ex: I am a ship. or I am a sheep. Definately the latter. I am the best Eng. major ever. So, once again, I am a sheep. I will write about my weekend. "Sheep, you are all sheep." ~Can't Hardly Wait (good movie, Ethan Embry is super cute.)

My weekend By: Megan P. Flynn

Friday night "The Boy" had play practice. So, while he was there I went out and rented some movies and bought a cheesecake for him. Then when he was through, I gave him two out of his three presents, we ate cheesecake and watched a movie. Nothing exciting for my readers there.

Saturday, "The Boy" and I went to S.F. with Bryce, Lindsey, Tony, Paula, Val, Molly, and Brenna. Our first destination was the Great Plains Zoo. That was great, I was privileged enough to see a monkey boner, a rhino doing figure eights, and a penguin poop. I have been to the G.P. Zoo many a time, and not once have I ever witnessed such barbarity. The monkey's "appendage" was bright pink and ummm...quite obvious. I wished I would have had a camera. After the eventful trip to the zoo, we headed to the Century Theatre. While purchasing nine tickets for The Passion of Christ I noticed a sign on the ticket counter. It read "The Passion of Christ contains graphic violence. This is your warning." Hmmm...they weren't kidding. Maybe we should have stayed in the "Video Game Area" or whatever it's called. "The Boy" could have impressed me with more of his "groovy" dance moves. But alas, I witnessed the brutality of Christ's crucifiction. Great birthday movie. Like I didn't already know that Christ's last days we filled with agony. We go from Funny-Zoo-Trip to Depressing-Kill-Yourself-Movie. Talk about an emotional roller coaster. Then came Hu Hot. Good food, good company, not much else to say. Oh, but wait, before that we went to a "Learning Toy Store," who knew there was such a thing. And, Jenny, that is where I got the HELLO KITTY IN AN ELEPHANT SUIT pen!!! They also have monkies, and giraffes, and...I can get you one too! Oh ya, "The Boy" bought a harp there. I definately think HELLO KITTY IN AN ELEPHANT SUIT beats a harp. After Hu Hot, came Barnes and Noble and Best Buy. "The Boy" was going crazy buying stuff with his new found b-day money. And he says I have a shopping problem. He was drunk by then, he's such a light weight ;). I guess he was "a little warm," sooo cute:)! Once in Madison, Bryce and Jeff had purchased "The Boy" a really kick ass DVD. So we watched that til everyone but Tony and Carl fell asleep.

Sunday morning brought church. And after watching The Passion, I was in no mood to piss God off. Following church came China Moon, once again good food, good company. And "The Boy" took his first shot there. Some of you are saying, "Since when does China Moon have alcohol?!" but I didn't say what the shot was. Sweet and sour sauce, yep, that's right. Oh, Miles. Then at noon I went to Jenny's room to head to the infamous White House, SD. Upon arriving, we discovered that everyone wasn't quite ready. So we stood around and waited. Jenny and I rode with Jackie, (Nic's fiance) to S.F. First stop was Qudoba, where Nic works. They make HUGE burritos. Everyone ate but me. I am poor, any donations would be appreciated. While consuming mass quanities of food, Jenny and I discussed a certain person, who also reads this... Ok, I will stop. I have said too much. Don't hate me. But it's sooo tempting to say more...*sigh* Anyways, we then met up with fellow CRs from USD and Augie. We sign waved for Larry from 2-4. Jenny and I froze our asses off, but had good conversation ;). Jenny thinks I should run for CR pres against Heather/Brian. So much to think about. We bummed a ride back from Brad, poor Jackie had to drive back all alone. I quick showered when I got back. Then called "The Boy," he had an attitude. And men think women are bitchy?! Well, like always, "The Boy" couldn't resist my charm and we watched Rushmore while he worked on Data Structures. Great movie!

In conclusion, this weekend brought laughs and tears (for all of my readers that are sensitive like me, maybe don't see The Passion, maybe read The Bible). I wish I could go into greater detail but I have a hall council mtg in 45 min and a sh*tload of homework to do. That's such a lame cop out, but it's midterm and spring break is coming up so IM SORRY! I'll try not to complain. I love you all. Peace, Love, Empathy (that's how Kurt signed his suicide note).