soft.and.gentle

As black as the night can get. Everything is safer now. There's always a way to forget. Once you learn to find a way how.

Don't you hate it when you are nice and comfy in the computer lab; when you have your own little secluded area, and some jackass sits directly behind you. This in turn ruins all concentration and you start to feel a bit insecure because you know he is staring at the little bit of underwear that peaks up above you jeans. Whoever invented low-rise jeans should die. I just went to pull up the back of my jeans, or more so, check to see how much undie was showing, and I realized I am wearing the pink, semi-see through pair. Great, guy-behind-me can see more then undie. Perfect day. But hey, at least it is Friday. Does that really matter knowadays? I get the feeling that in college, everyday is Friday to some.

College is supposed to be a time for self-discovery. When one finds out who they really are and who they are going to become. Either that, or college is just like high school and people feed you bullshit lies through a straw. I guess college is better in that is has twice as many people on campus then in my whole town. But at the same time, there is just as much drama and back-stabbing. Sad. Maybe that's life. Maybe even adults do that, and you won't ever be able to escape it. Unless you live in Tibet in the early 1930s. Note to self: Build time machine.

I want you to want me. I need you to need me. I love you to love me. I'm beggin you to beg me. I have had that song in my head for two days.

OOHHH, I just realized I could put my coat on the back of my chair, instead of on the empty seat next to me. Take that Jackass/Guy-behind-me. No undie show for you.

I sleep too much, or maybe too little. I mean really, what college student sleeps too little. Maybe, when I think I am sleeping, I am actually awake. And maybe when I am awake I am actually sleeping. And when I hate I feel, and when I love it's not real (ok, that was from a Manson song, just the last sentence, but my rambling made me think of that song.).

Enter, one weird non-trad (male), followed by one short jock (also male). Non-trad sits diagonally behind me, by the Jackass. Jock sits two rows in front of me, slightly to the right.

People are shallow.

HEHEHE, Jackass left. Must have disliked the fact that there was no more peep show for him. That still leaves Non-trad. I wonder if he is watching me?

I wish that people would love more and hate less. South Dakota might be banning abortion. That's good news. My mom tried to tell me that a lot of PETA supporters were for abortion. Maybe it's not that they're for abortion, maybe it's that they are so busy with one cause, they don't have time to fight for another one. But at the same time, I am sure there are PETA members who do support abortion, which in itself is ironic. However, there were probably Jews that liked Hitler and the Nazis, or Mother's Against Drunk Drivers that drink and drive on occasion.

The computer lab is now overrun with people. Noon must be quite the time to come to a computer lab. Does that mean that I am "hip" now, even better "cool" (That's paraphrased from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas). The ultimate is "Groovy". I can't wait to be "Groovy".

In the blur of serenity, where did everything get lost? The flowers of naivete, buried in a layer of frost.

Use me when you want to come. I've bled just to have your touch.

I honesty had all intentions of attending bio today, despite the fact that it is only lecture and she doesn't take attendance. I was really going to go, PROMISE!

I woke up to my alarm, hopped out of bed, gathered my shower stuff, and headed to the bathroom. This is when I saw my first dead body. It's really not as bad as one would think. I went to use the facilities before jumping in the shower. I always use the one closest to my side of the hall, creature of habit. When I went to open the door I noticed a body slumped on the floor. "Oh, Great," I thought to myself, another girl passed out in front of the toilet. Me, being the good friend I am, went to help up this poor inebriated soul. That's when my hand fell into something thick and wet. "What the *beep*?" I pulled my hand away to discover it was covered in blood. Apparently our victim had come home a bit too out of it and when she went to throw-up, smacked her precious head on the toilet seat. So tragic. Well, I then decided that now was not a time to shower. So I washed my hands and went back to my room. Moments later I heard a lot of commotion. They had found the body too. Over the course of the next half an hour, there was much commotion and constant knocking at my door. I didn't answer. The poor girl is probably better off. This is much cheaper then a liver transplant.

I still had time to attend bio, mind you. I threw some clothes on and headed downstairs (without showering). On my way down the four flights of stairs I realized I should check my email. I ran into the puter lab and descended on my email like a vulture. That's when I saw it: FREE TRIP TO FRANCE! The blinking text was a sign from God (it being Ash Wednesday and all). Of course I clicked on it. The instructions seemed relatively easy: 1) Call this number (they provided a number, highly top secret) 2) Tell the person on the other end this code, (also top secret) 3) TELL NO ONE. Seemed easy enough. I darted upstairs, back to my humble abode. This part was quite tricky, the floor was in an uproar about the body. Some girls are so over-dramatic. I managed to get to my room without question. I picked up my cell and dialed the number. It rang fourteen times, then...nothing. Someone answered, but they were silent, "Hey a$$hole, is this a joke?!" I inquired. Then there was a high pitched screeching sound, it startled me so much I haphazardly tossed my phone on the bed. When I went to retrieve it, there was only a dial tone. Needless to say, I am sure that I will be receiving my tickets to France any day now.

But, I missed bio.

When you hate it you know you can feel. But when you love it, you know it's not real.

When I'm feeling tired, she pushed food through the door. I crawl towards the crest of light, sometimes I can't find my way.

Today starts another productive..or rather, un-productive week at school. Hmmm, the educational system. I love education. Actually, despite that being a sarcastic remark, I like education more this semester then last semester. I am understanding algrebra, attending bio, breezing through poli sci, and enjoying the material in lit. Initially I was apprehensive about my lit. class. I had never read any Wharton or Fitzgerald prior to attending Literary Genres 286. But, now, I have successfully completed a paper, and multiple quizzes (my lowest grade being an 80%). In little under an hour I will be taking another lit. quiz. It's on A Diamond as Big as the Ritz, by F. Scott Fitzgerald. Good story, or so I thought.

I was pondering what to write about, when "The Boy" came to visit. So, I asked him, "Boy, what should I post about." His response, "Well, write about you 'skunking' me in cribbage this weekend. You can give your side/version." *Sigh* "No, you already wrote about that."

He always takes the good topics.

My weekend consisted of thousands of on-line quizzes. Lame, you're thinking. And you are probably right. But, since you love me, I saved them all to put on my site. Now, the thought occured to me, that I probably shouldn't overload you with all of them at once. So, instead I was faced with the predicament of how many to put up at one time, or when to post them, or should I just do it all at once, that way they don't keep stacking up.

Well, I have to start somewhere.

Here goes nothing.

Black windows of paint, I scratch with my nails.





You are Form 1, Goddess: The Creator.

"And The Goddess planted the acorn of life.
She cried a single tear and shed a single drop
of blood upon the earth where she buried it.
From her blood and tear, the acorn grew into
the world."

Some examples of the Goddess Form are Gaia (Greek),
Jehova (Christian), and Brahma (Indian).
The Goddess is associated with the concept of
creation, the number 1, and the element of
earth.
Her sign is the dawn sun.

As a member of Form 1, you are a charismatic
individual and people are drawn to you.
Although sometimes you may seem emotionally
distant, you are deeply in tune with other
people's feelings and have tremendous empathy.
Sometimes you have a tendency to neglect your
own self. Goddesses are the best friends to
have because they're always willing to help.

Which Mythological Form Are You?
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Your man is King Aragorn (The rating takes place
below)
Perhaps its because hes so world-weary but Aragorn
is upfront and honest with no time for mind
games. Hes attentive and devoted, as well as
sensitive to your needs.

The last 'WHICH LOTR GUY IS FOR YOU?' quiz you'll ever have to take UPDATED WITH BETTER PICS & RESULTS
brought to you by Quizilla





Heaven: You are a true angel. You are destined to
move on to a place where there is no evil, just
people as beautiful and pure as you. Graceful
and classy, an angel like you has wonderful
things ahead! (please rate my quiz)

**Where will you go when you die?**(now with pics)
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Lonliness dominates you. You can hide it well, but
its there, and your friends can see it. You
constantly feel alone, and need to do things to
fill your time. Your afraid to tell people
this, but sooner or later it gets out in a bad
way, and you think you screwed up everything.
And when you are in love is when you are sad
the most. (Please Vote)

What Emotion Dominates you?
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You're chocolate. You're the old soul type, people
feel that they have known you their entire
life. Many often open up to you for they view
you as thoughtful and trustworthy. Although
people trust you, you have a hard time trusting
them. You prefer to keep your feelings bottled
up inside, or display them very quietly. It is
alright to open up every once in a while.

Which kind of candy are you?
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You're Element is Light. You are friendly, happy,
social, bubbly, and can brighten up any one's
day. You are very kind and a real people person
because you have several friends (or atleast
should). You're cheery nature makes you lovable
and your stunning looks are sweet and stand
out.
What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
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Think of me sometimes, I'd never tell. Do you recognize me, think that you know me well? I think that you're changing, configurating. Destroyed the lines that fed the good to your heart.

This week went by so fast. It's nice to have only four days. Every school week should have only four days. I have been so lazy this week, next week will be better. I have been kickin' ass this semester, I needed a week like last semester, it just so happened that this week would be it. Hey, at least it wasn't a five day week. And I didn't have any papers or tests this week. I rock...

I do not know what I am doing this weekend. Me and "The Boy" will be doing something I am sure. We rent movies, a lot of freakin' movies (I enjoy movies with him). We rent so many movies that Movie Guy gave us a free pass to the movie theatre here. In order to receive one of these golden tickets, one must rent 20 movies. Oh, and we have rented 20, more like 20 billion. Currently, we are working at obtaining our next free movie pass. That way we can go to the movie theatre together. Going to a movie alone has such a atrabilious feel. I think it best to avoid that.

I must bore you all. I am not exciting. Reading this must be like getting stranded in the desert with only crackers.

My mom makes me bleed. For her, or for myself, I do not know.

I forgot to put my watch on this morning. I was early too. But only because I didn't blow dry or straighten my hair. I hope that "The Boy" loves me despite my disheveled appearance. I am wearing wrinkled jeans, Kelsie's shirt, and my hair is still damp from my shower. I need new shoes. That would help.

What are you doing this weekend? Maybe it involves rituals and torture? Please take me with you.

Run with the hunted as you come. Run with the hunter, I was one. But I will make you change your mind.

All your mental armour drags me down. Nothing hurts. like your mouth.

I should be doing my poli sci quiz and writing about South Dakota's congressmen. But I'm not. I haven't been into school at all today. In fact, I haven't been into much, at all today. Others have said I appear aloof or distance. Whatever, maybe I am. I keep focusing on random things. Like, Miles and I went to Jubilee for some food, and I was totally mesmerized by the Pringles display. I feel like I have been in a trance all day. I told Miles it was because of all the morphine I have been injecting, but he didn't believe me. I wish I could believe myself.

In the middle of a world on a fish hook, you're the wave, you're the wave, you're the wave.

Sometimes I wish that I could have a blog where I could say anything I wanted. All of my thoughts and feelings, without censoring myself. But that would mean starting a new blog, and not telling anyone about it. I'm lazy. I think I won't do that.

Gravity claiming all your tears. Everything looks so much better now.

My mom called me today. She told me I was adopted. No surprise there. Whatever, thanks Mom. I knew I was a little odd. Hmmm... Adoption is great! ADOPTION NOT ABORTION. I'm going to adopt a child from every country. And two kitties. I had a dream that snakes tried to eat my kitties. I should find my real parents and see if they have kitties.

Heaven knows who walks away.

My results came back today. I guess I have a mental disorder. Apparently I am a pathological liar. Who knew?! I am getting help though.

Satellites of pain can't always be ignored.

Today is February 17th. Yesterday was February 16th. Tomorrow is February 18th.
How's that for a kick ass intro?! Evasive, yet clear. Deep, yet penetrateable (hehe, naughty word-but I don't think it is an actual word....oh well this isn't Hon. Comp-right Jenny!). Ok, enough bull shit, you guys aren't here for shits 'n' giggles. This is a serious, smart, intellectual blog-one where people can express themselves freely.
Yep, with that said...I have nothing to write...I SUCK!!!
Ok, wait...here it is...I got it now...Nope, there it goes...
The Grammys. Didn't watch them, but I figure there is nothing better to write about. My RA (who is hot and cute and sweet and "seeing" the nicest boy ever, other then Miles) said that the Grammys rocked. Correction, her and I both LOVE Outkast and she mentioned that Dre (aka: Andre 3000) brought his little boy to the Grammys and was dressed just like Dad...AND IT WAS THE CUTEST THING EVER! She recommended I look on the internet for pics, and as I was sitting hurr trying to think of something to entertain my audience with, I heard her voice echo throughout my head. Blah blah blah...
Well, whatever, that was my attempt at writing about the Grammys. I'm moving on...
I was born on June 17, 1985, in Bethesda, Maryland, in the Bethesda Naval Hospital. I was cute, with big, blue eyes, and I looked oh-so-blissful wrapped in my pretty pink blankie. LAME. Did I have a pink blankie?!
Miles is short, with brown hair, and has pudgy/cute cheeks. He is a math/computer science major. He enjoys music/movies/reading and enjoys creating beautiful works of art, in many different forms. He tolerates me even though I can't use a puter. Status: Taken (aka: Don't touch).
Jenny is tall, brown hair, and has an awesome hair straightener. She enjoys long walks on the beach and Eric. She is an English major and she is going to be the bestest teacher ever. Status: available (aka: needs some booty NOW!).
Ummm..maybe I shouldn't have started this. There are so many ppl to write about (Don't worry Tony, YOU'RE NEXT!). Well, the Grammys were fun. Had some popcorn, snorted some crank, drank some 40s, did some b*tches. Good Times.

SATURDAY IS VALENTINE'S DAY!!! I love Valentine's day! It is my second favorite holiday, next to Halloween (which is my first...). The majority of people I have conversed with have informed me as to how much they loathe Valentine's Day. Nonsense! Valentine's day is supposed to be happy, not sad:(! But, alas, I can see how many would find it depressing.
Well, I am here to CHEER all of you party poopers up! And then you too, will love Valentine's Day and we can all be in happy together. NO MORE SAD FACES!!! Sure, many associate "V" Day (not Veteran's Day, Valentine's Day) with love and couples and cute, little puppy dogs. WRONG! There are many great things a single individual can do on "V" Day. Spend time with friends and family, spend time doing things you enjoy to do alone, or have a girl's/boy's night out with other singles, are all fun things a single individual can partake in on "V" day.
My favorite part about "V" day is the flowers and candy and the "love" feeling one gets from it, OH, and those little Valentine's you can buy at the store! You don't have to be "taken" to enjoy the "V" day feeling. Who doesn't love candy and flowers and little Valentine's with cartoons on them!!! Actually, I really love the little boxes that you make in elementary school and decorate! Those ROCK! I think they are made out of tissue boxes, and then you cover them with pink and red tissue paper, AND STICKERS! Plus, I am really good at making cut out hearts, and Valentine's Day is the perfect holiday to share my talent with the world! You don't have to have a significant other to cut out pink and red hearts!
Another "V" Day bonus, that really only applies to me, is that my church sends out care packages for "V" Day! Now, most churches send them during finals week, or midterms, but my church has always been a bit off, so I get a "V" Day package instead!!! Which, who could complain how about free candy! I love FREE CANDY!
Well, guys, I hope you all have a wonderful Valentine's Day! Remember: Valentine's day is about love and happiness, don't be gloomy! Share the LOVE!

It seems as though I mostly write on Mondays. That is not my intention. Mondays blow. I hate Mondays...and Tuesdays...and days in general. I think I write on Mondays because I have more time since the week has just started, or maybe it is just because I don't give a shit on Mondays. Probably more so, the latter.
I hate how fickle I am. I can never just stick with one thing (cept for Miles, I've been good about that). I get too bored. Like people who have Star Wars obsessions, or Anime (did I spell that right...who cares) obsessions, or one-particular-show obsessions. It never worked for me. I can never pick one thing, I can't collect things, I can't stick with activities. Over my life span I have tried to collect everything under the sun. You name it, I've tried to collect it. It usually lasts for a week...
There are things I like, but I can never become a hard core fan. TV shows for example-if I were to pick a show to be obsessed about, I could never see all the episodes, so what's the point. It's not like my schedule can be arranged around my TV shows. Shit always comes up, and I am a fragile human being, so if I had to miss my one obsession, I would cry and scratch my eyes out.
Plus I have such a vast list of likes. I am too complicated to stick to one thing. For example: music, I love music, I can't pick just one or two groups and cover my walls with all their band memorabilia. A month later I would have a new favorite. I could never pick a favorite band or a favorite movie. I like everything. Or I hate everything. Hmm...Good point...
I want to be like everyone else and have a favorite cartoon, like Powerpuff Girls or Tweety, or a favorite singer, like 50 Cent or Michael Jackson. Then I can adorn my body and surroundings with all their neat stuff. Note to self: find obsession.
I love gay people though, OH, and happiness, and puppies, and kitties, and music (I HATE COUNTRY!), and Miles, and friends, and shopping, and MTV, and nice people, and pretty colors, and manners, and sophistication, and crazy people, and cripples, and old people, and foreign people, and people people, and cars that run, and Boo from Monsters Inc., and gifts, and people who comment on my site so I don't feel so alone in the world...

Rat Race is a horrible movie. Don't rent it. I had to for my lit class. Actually, the movie didn't really have to be Rat Race. The topic of the paper is comparing House of Mirth by Edith Wharton to a movie or TV show. Now, I bet you are all wondering why I picked Rat Race, well there is a catch to the topic. Technically, my professor would have liked a reality TV show, but I do not have cable, nor do I have time to watch TV. So, that left me with the movie option. I sat, alone in my little corner, and thought of what movie could possibly fit the topic. Here's a brief overview of the topic:
"Compare some aspect of the manners and the motives in the House of Mirth with something that is more familiar to you. You may use movies or television programs, but the comparision should be to some other artifact. You may use programs such as The Bachlorette, Survivor, The Simple Life, or other programs or films. It is best probably to choose a program or film in which all the people themselves make up the rules."
That's it. I was left to ponder my existence with only that to go on. Then it hit me; I briefly remembered visiting a friend and catching tidbits (love that word) of the movie Rat Race. As I recalled, the "players" of the "Win two million dollars" game were allowed to make up their own rules. How perfect?!?!
NO, bad plan! Even more so: BAD MOVIE! Sure, Seth Green is in it. And when I was into the whole Buffy phase, I loved Seth Green. But, the movie on a whole was a true disappointment. Sadly, I spent my Monday night watching a movie that was a waste of time.
Now that you all know my predicament, I would gladly welcome all suggestions or help from my adoring fans (YOU)!
Other bad movies: The Life of David Gale and The Scorpion King. More about those later...

Well, it is another week. It has been almost a week since I last wrote. I am getting terribly lazy. I don't even have anything good to write about, so if you want to stop now, I completely understand, the following will be absolute crap.
Today is Groundhog's Day! It is one of the best, most celebrated holidays of the year (next to Christmas)! My plans for this G Day are: go to class, do homework, go to bed. It's going to be a crazy, fun G Day. I hate MSN. All I wanted to do was send my friends a Happy Groundhog's Day e-card. But, of course, MSN has only one G Day e-card, and you have to PAY for it. It was so cute, it even had a little poem and picture of a groundhog on it. I was totally excited about it, and then my hopes and dreams were squished by the fine print. Why am I alive? (slight melodrama)
Patriots won the Superbowl!!! Am I surprised?! Hell NO! Once again, Vinatieri made the field goal to win the game. For all of you that don't know, I am a Patriots fan. I lived in Newport, RI for almost two years, and that is where my Patriot's pride developed. BTW: Vikings suck ass. Everyone here is a Vikings fan. Let's all jump on the bandwagon.
And lastly, how could I forget: James Joyce was born today in 1882! James Joyce is the author of Ulysses . Not to mention, a fellow Irish.

That's all I got for today. Sad, but true.
Stay with me guys, DON'T GIVE UP ON ME!!! There is more to come....