soft.and.gentle

Sitting in Visual Basic...it's my last class of the week-and it feels so good.

These tablets are evil. I don't think anyone pays attention in any of my classes. It's either chatting or surfing or checking email or painting or....

No big plans for the weekend...going to S.F tonight to get a dress/outfit/something decent to wear for coronation-on duty tomorrow-sleeping and homework on Sunday.

I feel well rested today. Very unusual for me. I feel content. But who knows how long that will last.

My gum is really old. It's hard to chew. I hate that, that's like the worst thing ever.

10 more minutes. Pretty sure Brad Pitt in Snatch looks REAL good-I love all the tattoos. I love when he's all sweaty and dirty...when he's fighting...

Ok, enough drooling on my part.

Happy Birthday Tony:)

I have nothing good to write about-because I am just bored, not so much creative. I wrote my first Calculate button-thing. It figures out how many skateboards total and how much they cost-including tax. How pimp is that?!

Class is over. Have a great weekend-and a Happy Homecoming!

Fading everything to black & blue. You look a lot like you'd shatter. In the blink of an eye. But you keep sailing right on through.

I know I said I wasn't going to blog for awhile, but I don't think I should let people keep me from blogging. It's my blog, don't read it if you can't handle what it says.

I went and visited my grandma on Friday. I love Grandma. She got a haircut; I love how soft her hair is. She seems to be doing better. She recently moved into Silver Threads, an assisted living place. She's not really in the assisted living part, though, there's an apartment side of the building. But she does have a nurse come by every morning that helps her get out of bed and get ready.

Molly is looking sweet as ever. She's 15 years old. So, 105 in human years. That's amazing. I wish she could live forever.

Getting old is the saddest thing ever. It seems everything and everyone in my life is getting old. Sometimes when I pass old people on the street my heart feels like it's going to explode. I love old people.

My mom misses me. She's so alone. I never have time to actually think about how lonely she probably is. I hope I get married someday.

Last night I went to S.F. Jenny, Kayla, and I went to German Fest and ate at Sushi Masa(which is kinda strange being as they had food at German Fest). It was awesome. I LOVE sushi! We also went to Wal-Mart (Kayla even had a list for, it was so cute), Jenny's House to do laundry, and Mid Co so they could get their paychecks. Must be nice to have a paycheck.

Well, I hope everyone has a great week! I can't believe how fast this month is going! But, October is coming and October is my favorite month, which also happens to be in my favorite season, that being fall.

If dreams are like movies, then memories are films about ghosts. You can never escape, you can only move south down the coast.

Wow, this is a record, three blogs in a week.

I feel like every chance to leave is another chance I should have took.

It's amazing how one little event could make you appreciate everything more.

My favorite season is fall. I love fall. It's like how some people like needles. Fall makes me hurt more than anything in the world, but it's a hurt I love and a hurt that I crave. My heart aches for fall. I must have been blind this whole week...but when I left Beadle this afternoon all I could see were the leaves. How did I not know fall had come? The leaves made a beautiful blanket over the ground. One little thing makes everything clear. It's like the one person you have been dying to talk to your whole life, finally talks to you. Everything is beautiful and clear, but sad and painful because you know it will never happen again. You want to hold onto it so bad. But the seasons will change...the person made everything clear...I guess that's what was supposed to happen right? But what if it could be fall forever. What if I could just crawl under the blanket of leaves and stay there...

I just want to believe.

I have a feeling I won't be writing for awhile, maybe I need to take a break. This blog seems to create problems.

I only want 5 minutes...but after 5 minutes I know I'll want another 5 min...

Peace, Love, Empathy...

Here I am...writing again...

At a certain someone's request *Jenny*

Pretty sure I could listen to Bush forever...

Anyways, I just wrote my very first program! Woohoo for me! Well, actually I am lying, it is technically my third program, but it is the first I have written on my own...well actually that is a lie too, a girl from my floor helped me a lil bit...but not very much so it doesn't count...

Moving on...pretty sure Jenny and I got in trouble in class today. I guess our tablets are too distracting...especially considering mine was just sitting there. And then she called on us and neither of us were paying attention...so we didn't know the answer to the question, let alone what the question even was. Some people are bitter. But I actually like her...maybe I am evil.

I think "got" is one of the worst words ever. It's so...simple. Pretty sure it's hard to not use it, though. I went on a quest to find a better word, I love dictionary.com, but the thesaurus part has left a bitter taste in my mouth. No good synonyms for "got"

Heaven is on the way...I'm a stranger in this town....

I can't help typing Bush while I listen to it.

I had cheese lasagna tonight. Sometimes I wish I could be vegan...It's like I am satisfied with things for awhile...but then I have to push it. I have been a vegetarian for almost a year. Maybe on the year anniversary of my vegetarianism I will become vegan...doubt it. I love dairy.

I am insatiable.

I haven't been sleeping well lately. Sometimes it feels like something is eating at my brain. More so, me not being able to relax. Have you ever noticed that when you climb into bed, everything that you shove to the back of your mind during the day is suddenly on the front lines ready to shoot out of your head?

Do you believe in love at first sight...well, not so much sight...because that would be completely based on looks, more so love at first conversation? Or maybe love at first date, when the date is almost over?

I just noticed I said "more so" two paragraphs in a row. But I am too tired and unmotivated to fix it.

Well, J, here is your post. This bud's for you.

Slowly move on. How did we get to here. It all went wrong. Gravity claiming all your tears.

I guess it's time for my weekly post. I am going to try to blog weekly; I figure it is an attainable goal, not too high, not too low.

It's amazing how much a person can miss by sleeping 2 days in a row. After coming down from an excessive crank binge, one needs to sleep several days in a row to feel human again.

Actually, I didn't sleep the weekend away. I am lying. However, I was a lazy pile all weekend. I did make it through over half of season one of 24. Now, if you're like me, you have no idea what 24 is, so take some time and click on the link. After all, I took the time to put it there. I had never seen any 24 episodes (it's a TV show) prior to this weekend. I like to think of it as a really long movie...that never seems to end.

Dawson's Creek is good. So is Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. You know what show blows, Touched by an Angel. I hope my mom and grams don't read this, they LOVE that show. It is sooo lame.

Does anyone remember Columbo? That's a good show. Same with Matlock and Murder, She Wrote. I probably sound really lame, but I used to watch those shows all the time when I was little. Before I was tainted.... My mom used to let me stay up late on Sunday nights in Okinawa, because Columbo didn't come on there until 11 PM. Of course I had school the next day, but I am so cute and endearing...who could resist (jk).

Ok, enough small talk. I need my fucking money. If you have my money, I want it now.

Also, I am attending the Used concert on October 26, in Minneapolis at The Quest. If anyone would like to donate any money to my cause... or, if anyone would like to attend also, let me know so I can get a ticket for you. We can all car pool; it would be like one big happy family. We could cuddle...is it creepy yet. Please donate funds to the Megan's Children of God charity. I basically help little children find Jesus. Any donation is greatly appreciated.

The Used ROCKS!!! The new album is out on September 28th. Buy it or I'll slit your throat.

The cup is not half empty as pessimists say. As far as he sees nothing's left in the cup. A whole cup full of nothing for him to induldge. Since the voice of ambition has long since been shut up.

What are the odds that she would fall in love with a 28 year old married guy with 3 kids? She could never look at him in the face, then he would know she was staring. She would only look at his shoes. Brown sandals. He had a tattoo on his calf, but she didn't know what it meant. She always wanted to ask...but never did.

He wrote a poem once during class. She tried to peer over nonchalantly. She was probably obvious. Considering all the relationships she'd had, she wasn't as smooth as everyone thought. All she could do was write Bush lyrics all over her notebook and try not to stare.

Her friend told her only rich guys went skiing. And he had a ski rack on his car, definitely rich.

She hated not being able to connect. She thought they could connect. She was wrong. All her little happy ending romances she played out in her head were for nothing. She hated her imagination. It hurt her.

He didn't look 28, but it didn't matter to her that he was. He reminded her of Gavin.

Ok, let's get down to the point of this charade. She took a drill to her head, just like in the movie PI . Moral of the story: guys suck. Chances are you will just settle for a guy so you don't have to be alone. Maybe I am being cynical, but it's pretty messed up to take a drill to your head.

Is anyone ever really "happily married"? *the answer is no* Maybe life would be better if it were like The Giver where everyone is assigned a spouse. They were happy in The Giver, well up until Jonas received the bad memories, but that's not important...

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I'm bad at tangents. It's really hard to tell a very serious story with a moral when every ten seconds someone is stopping by for "help". That's right guys, today is Thursday, which means duty-day for Megan the RA.

I guess that's it...I'll end with some Bush...this might be a repeat, but I love this song:

As darkness craves the mind. We come undone without our pride. No time on earth to come. All the pleasures just begun.

One minute I'm watching Fight Club, the next I am surrounded by children in psychedelic clothing waiting patiently as I stick needles through their faces.

What a crazy fucking dream.

But wait, my eyes feel like I was the victim of Chinese torture, you know the one where they cut off your eye lids and make you lie in the sun. What kind of sick asshole would do that to me?

Once I get over the initial physical pain, I am confronted with the fact that I have not been dreaming, on the contrary, I have been wide awake. Also, Fight Club has been over for quite awhile, Bush is playing gently in the background, and ironically it's 40 Miles from the Sun, I don't know why that's ironic, I just love that fucking song.

The stack of movies tells me I have been here awhile, and by stack I mean seven, seven movies in the last....however many days. How many people had been here, this place is trashed. I feel like Johnny Depp in Fear and Loathing, after taking Adreenacrome (if I spelled that right) and he wakes up with only slight recollection and brief flashbacks. I love that movie...

The difference, however, is that I don't think I woke up. How do you wake up if you've never been asleep? Maybe I can sleep with my eyes open, and just never knew it. I had a friend in high school that slept with her eyes open and one night a spider crawled in her eye and bit the inside of her eye lid. The whole left of her face swelled up. She couldn't see for like two weeks.

And I found twenty dollars.

I need food. Food, warmth, shelter, sleep, that's all a human needs, and right now I am lacking in two of those areas.

An Ode to Java City...

Another year has commenced. I feel so guilty about not blogging as of late, but now I don't have any excuse not to, since I received my neat-o tablet...which works sometimes. DSU is a great technology school (sarcasm). I hope I don't offend anyone, I know lots of people put in hard work to benefit our school.

I have been so busy lately; that seems to be a theme in my posts.

I'm on duty the next five days in a row. I so got screwed. I work Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday...what's that shit?!

Oh well, hopefully it'll be quiet and all with labor day weekend.

Plus I can catch up on homework and laundry. I am taking upper level English classes and I figure I should try, it being my major and all.

If anyone's bored you should take pity on me and visit.

I hate that listlessness after lunch. Everyday I have a class right after lunch which in turn means to function I have to stop by Java City for a mocha Javalanche. All my meal plan money is going to there.

I hope all is well.

Peace, Love, Empathy